come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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