i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
