I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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