I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
