Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
