Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
