I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You need Xanax blowdarts
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
