Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize