Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
