I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
