sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
