Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
