i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
