Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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