Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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