TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
