Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
