alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
