we have pet lesbian snakes
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There's always time for handjobs
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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