Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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