i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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