it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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