I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
