this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
