Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
