I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
