I need help removing her.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
