I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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