There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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