Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
