You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
