My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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