How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
