Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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