This is not my ceiling
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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