I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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