dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
