The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
