Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
