This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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