I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
