That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
