Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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