the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
someone owes me an orgasm
this boner is exhausting
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
