Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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