ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
