A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
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at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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