Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
