Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
