I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
