If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
