If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
