bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
