Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
