I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
