i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
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Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
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How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize