porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Welp...herpes.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
