Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
