I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
