i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
