You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
