she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
