I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
