I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
