just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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