We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
