Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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