he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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