Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
