she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
