If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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