Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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