i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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