yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
