Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
