I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
