I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
