We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
