At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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