Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
